news
08-12-2015, 10:03 PM
In this era of extended longevity, more of us will live through our seventies, our eighties, and even our nineties. We read that there will be more than a million centenarians in the U.S. by 2050. This is good and bad. Yes, we'll have more years to partake of this rapidly evolving world culture, more years to watch future generations grow and develop, more years to gain wisdom and contribute in ways that we're able to make the world a better place. But the longer we live, our health, our physical abilities, our mental sharpness--these are certain to diminish. And the more loss we will experience. More friends and family members will die before we do. Yes, we know that death is an expected part of our existence on this earth, and none of us will get out of here alive, but still....
Women in our 70Candles conversation groups and on our 70candles.com blog have talked about their fears, worries, and questions regarding death and loss. Our society leaves little room for honest discussion about end-of-life issues, at least, they tell us, for basically healthy women who are in their 8th decade and beginning to confront the final inevitability, in many cases for the first time.
Karl Pillemer tells us that older people, in their eighties and nineties, have less anxiety about death than younger people. They willingly and comfortably tidy up loose ends as they prepare for the journey. Nurses and family members who have had experiences with hospice care espouse its benefits for both the patient and for those connected to the dying person. They reassure us...a little. And it is true that attitudes and practices regarding end-of-life care are changing for the much better. The message from Dr. Atul Gawande to the medical community is to listen more carefully to the hopes and needs of dying patients and try to help them achieve their final wishes in the time they have left.
This from Jane:
OK, I admit it. I look over the obits every morning. My father used to say, "Be sure my name isn't there." But Sunday obits in my local paper are different. Four full pages, with photos in full color, and everyone is smiling! Photos of their younger selves project joy, satisfaction, and calm. Long printed summaries stretch down each page as I read of life's highlights. No struggles or misery cited. I think these Sunday presentations are paid for by families; needless to say they want to remember the best of times. And yet I feel somehow reassured that my own family will similarly celebrate the best of my life.
This from Ellen:
For years now, I have given my psychology students (from high schoolers to doctoral candidates) the same assignment toward the beginning of the semester. I say, "Your assignment is to write the obituary you would like to see written about yourself. Consider this an opportunity to describe, in 300 words or less, your life in summary as you would like to see it appear in the newspaper after your death. Although it may sound ghoulish, this can be an inspirational, motivating, and uplifting assignment. Writing and reading it can also be an emotional experience." I do not grade these papers, but rather I put each in its own envelope and return it to the student on the last day of class. Students love this assignment; it's about goal-setting and deciding what you value. Students tell me that it also makes the prospect of the end-of-life less scary, because it encourages them to think about their own lives fulfilled and well-lived.
It would be interesting to expand this assignment to those of us in our 70's and beyond. What might we aspire to, not as we begin our adult life, but as we conclude it? What kind of obituary would you want for yourself?
Our book, 70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade, published by Taos Institute, is available at www.taosinstitute.net/70candles -- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. (http://start.westnet.ca/newstempch.php?article=terms.html/) It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/1/rc.img (http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/1/rc.htm)
http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/2/rc.img (http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/2/rc.htm)
http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/3/rc.img (http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/3/rc.htm)
http://da.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2.img (http://da.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2.htm)
http://adchoice.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/ach.img (http://adchoice.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/ach.htm)http://pi.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2t.imghttp://pi2.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2t2.imghttp://feeds.huffingtonpost.com/c/35496/f/677045/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/mf.gif
More... (http://feeds.huffingtonpost.com/c/35496/f/677045/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/l/0L0Shuffingtonpost0N0Cjane0Egiddan0Eand0Eellen0Eco le0Coh0Ethose0Eobits0Ib0I79736180Bhtml/story01.htm)
Women in our 70Candles conversation groups and on our 70candles.com blog have talked about their fears, worries, and questions regarding death and loss. Our society leaves little room for honest discussion about end-of-life issues, at least, they tell us, for basically healthy women who are in their 8th decade and beginning to confront the final inevitability, in many cases for the first time.
Karl Pillemer tells us that older people, in their eighties and nineties, have less anxiety about death than younger people. They willingly and comfortably tidy up loose ends as they prepare for the journey. Nurses and family members who have had experiences with hospice care espouse its benefits for both the patient and for those connected to the dying person. They reassure us...a little. And it is true that attitudes and practices regarding end-of-life care are changing for the much better. The message from Dr. Atul Gawande to the medical community is to listen more carefully to the hopes and needs of dying patients and try to help them achieve their final wishes in the time they have left.
This from Jane:
OK, I admit it. I look over the obits every morning. My father used to say, "Be sure my name isn't there." But Sunday obits in my local paper are different. Four full pages, with photos in full color, and everyone is smiling! Photos of their younger selves project joy, satisfaction, and calm. Long printed summaries stretch down each page as I read of life's highlights. No struggles or misery cited. I think these Sunday presentations are paid for by families; needless to say they want to remember the best of times. And yet I feel somehow reassured that my own family will similarly celebrate the best of my life.
This from Ellen:
For years now, I have given my psychology students (from high schoolers to doctoral candidates) the same assignment toward the beginning of the semester. I say, "Your assignment is to write the obituary you would like to see written about yourself. Consider this an opportunity to describe, in 300 words or less, your life in summary as you would like to see it appear in the newspaper after your death. Although it may sound ghoulish, this can be an inspirational, motivating, and uplifting assignment. Writing and reading it can also be an emotional experience." I do not grade these papers, but rather I put each in its own envelope and return it to the student on the last day of class. Students love this assignment; it's about goal-setting and deciding what you value. Students tell me that it also makes the prospect of the end-of-life less scary, because it encourages them to think about their own lives fulfilled and well-lived.
It would be interesting to expand this assignment to those of us in our 70's and beyond. What might we aspire to, not as we begin our adult life, but as we conclude it? What kind of obituary would you want for yourself?
Our book, 70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade, published by Taos Institute, is available at www.taosinstitute.net/70candles -- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. (http://start.westnet.ca/newstempch.php?article=terms.html/) It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/1/rc.img (http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/1/rc.htm)
http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/2/rc.img (http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/2/rc.htm)
http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/3/rc.img (http://rc.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/rc/3/rc.htm)
http://da.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2.img (http://da.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2.htm)
http://adchoice.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/ach.img (http://adchoice.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/ach.htm)http://pi.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2t.imghttp://pi2.feedsportal.com/r/234567133619/u/0/f/677045/c/35496/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/a2t2.imghttp://feeds.huffingtonpost.com/c/35496/f/677045/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/mf.gif
More... (http://feeds.huffingtonpost.com/c/35496/f/677045/s/48ef7a83/sc/28/l/0L0Shuffingtonpost0N0Cjane0Egiddan0Eand0Eellen0Eco le0Coh0Ethose0Eobits0Ib0I79736180Bhtml/story01.htm)