The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

I need a playlist for when I deeply consider going to the gym but then don't.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) July 2, 2015

An edgy way to say you like cookies is say you are really into BDSM**

**butter dough sugar mounds
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 29, 2015

i dont need to change my facebook icon to a rainbow i'm already queer i'm a fucking rainbow 365 days a year
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) June 30, 2015

I don't mind sitting in traffic because it gives me time to eat a burrito before I lose my mind
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) June 30, 2015

Too bad there's no filter to make you look sane.
— bubble girl (@JessObsess) June 30, 2015

I'll put so much more effort into naming my first wifi than my first child.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 28, 2015

If I had a flat stomach, I would spend all day resting things on it. Cups. Bowls, Various dining implements. A full game of Jenga.
— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) June 30, 2015

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing. Who gets custody of Matt Damon
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) June 30, 2015

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing. Now let's all try to stay calm and discuss how this will affect each of us, personally.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 30, 2015

*ben starts a text*
hey j, hope all is well. i liked that i luv you papi song. maybe we could get together, give me a call sometime k bye
— LW (@lindseyweber) June 30, 2015

"It's just like flying a kite," I say as I run around haphazardly, trying to figure out where the wifi lives.
— probably awake (@JustTashie) June 28, 2015

Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with a face mask on.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) July 1, 2015

I just said "indeed," so now I'm sipping brandy and polishing my walking stick.
— June O'Hara (@juneohara65) June 29, 2015

I would be mad at myself for blowing $60 at Whole Foods, but I did get 4 things so
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) July 1, 2015

I know it's been a long time and I should be over it but I'm still pissed at Monica and Chandler for not raising their kids in the city.
— scotus spice (@goldengateblond) July 1, 2015

Personally, I think showing up to work late everyday is a real power move.
— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) July 1, 2015

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 1, 2015

I'm very proud to announce my new film "Jurassic Snark". It's just two and a half hours of me talking shit about things that annoy me.
— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) June 30, 2015

"Magic Mike XXL" is seriously the most feminist thing I've seen since my circa 1991 homemade glitter "Keep Abortion Legal" sign.
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) July 1, 2015

It's always a nice reminder that Beyonce also loves to dance around in her underwear to Beyonce.
— KB (@KaraRBrown) July 1, 2015

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