The A$$hole Gets My Vote - Calgaryn.com

news · #1 02-02-2016, 03:30 PM

Success in presidential politics is all about adjectives - getting voters to associate the right adjectives with their candidate. You know, words like trustworthy, brave, unwavering, god-fearing, concerned, presidential. I would choose one or two different adjectives to describe my candidate in this election, Donald Trump. As I see him, he's a psychopathic, braggadocious, egomaniacal, blubbering, misogynistic, vindictive, exaggeration-prone, pretentious, self-aggrandizing, shameless, insufferable nut job with no conscience. Did I miss any? No, I think those 12 qualities are precisely why I'm voting for him to become 45th President of the United States. If I had to boil it all down to one word, a noun, I'm voting for him because he's an "a$$hole".

Trump is the decisive, disruptive, pugnacious personality we Americans need in the White House to resuscitate this disintegrating Democracy and to kick some D.C. behind. Not one of his competitors, Democrat or Other, can match his pain-in-the-butt potential. I don't care what side of the proverbial fence you pee on. This pissing match is not about right and left anymore. It's about right and wrong. So many wrongs need righting. Trump will have to work his tail off, but he's the perfect a-hole to buck the system. He'll be completely at home in the Oval Office. After all, the goings-on there are the most-watched, highest-rated reality show in the world. Trump, Cruz, Rubio, Clinton, Sanders - they're all apprentices at this presidential thing. But Donald trumps them all in one key area. He's a survivor. His immunity is his ego. That self-absorbed psyche will not permit him to fail on such a grand stage. With the world watching, Donald will bitch-slap Congress into actually doing something... something...like their jobs. Donald's pride will have him saying "up yours" to lobbyist and special interest bribes. Donald's deals will transform foreign trade into fair trade in the end. He'll build a wall. A wall is often the first step to a bridge. And if need be, Donald will spill some bad-guy-blood in the Mideast. Sometimes it takes a spillage...

How do I know he'll do all of this? I don't. I have absolutely no clue he'll keep a single campaign promise. But I do know the other frontrunners are still writing checks on their overdrawn political capital. They can't create change because they're so snuggly entrenched in the Washington establishment... like Obama, who essentially embezzled my vote (albeit transparently). Fool me once...as they say. Now I'm going with the gut... or specifically a region slightly farther down south. Trump plays the game and he plays to win. He has a track record of wins. It's a game in desperate need of a game changer. And except for that one percent among us, Americans are in dire need of a win.

As for Cruz, Rubio, Clinton, Sanders and the many intelligent, hard-working Americans who'll be voting for them, let me explain something to you:

I don't care who you pray to or who you choose to love.
I don't care if you're here legally or otherwise.
I don't care if the oceans are indeed rising.
I don't care what you ultimately decide to do with your unborn fetus.

Those issues will be essential as we continue to form a more perfect union, yes. But you know what? This union is presently past imperfect. Those issues go on the back burner this time around - at least until:

I can get a job.
I can afford my kids' education.
I can be sure my kids will return home from school alive each day.
My black neighbors are no longer just an undesirable "color" in this country.
We are all safe from the global forces of evil that want us dead.
I don't have to "save up" for a colonoscopy.

See. It comes back to my ass - it's on the line in this election along with yours. I'm in it for me. Sorry fellow Americans, but there are no flowery, fragrant, fun-loving adjectives to conceal the fact that my candidate - the guy who's getting my vote - is, quite simply, an a$$hole. Now, if there were just an a$$hole equally matched among the Democratic contenders. Hmm...

For more of Ray's ruminations, check out MorningNewsExpert.com. -- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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